Racket Stries

Tales from the tramlines. Real club players, real shanked volleys, real WhatsApp groups that got out of hand.

Friday, 6 November 2026

Which court is biggest? A bar argument, settled

Our tennis social had finished. It normally does at about nine o'clock. Some people disappear off into the night, and others hang around in the bar for one drink before heading home themselves.

On this occasion the padel group and the squash group finished at about the same time. A social, or it might even have been a competitive match. And somebody in the bar was overheard asking why you can't play padel on a squash court.

The squash players were adamant. It's not big enough. A squash court is smaller than a padel court. And a padel court, they added, is smaller than a tennis court.

Floodlit courts from above
Four tennis courts. Or, depending on who you ask in the bar, eight padel courts and a patio.

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What a £300 racket will not do for you

On Monday a man I've been coaching since March turned up holding a racket that cost more than my first car. Took it out of what looked like a violin case. Said he'd "done a lot of research".

He has not done a lot of research. He has watched a lot of videos.

Level up
What he thinks happens when you buy the racket. It does not happen.

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Saturday, 31 October 2026

Dear parent on the fence

Dear parent on the fence,

Yes, you!! The one with the coffee and the big coat, holding the wire with both hands like it might run off. I see you every Saturday at 9. I'd like you to come onto the court. Not to coach. To PLAY.

Player waiting to receive
This is the face of a ten-year-old who has been told to bend her knees eleven times since breakfast.

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Tuesday, 27 October 2026