46 sorries

Forty-six. That's how many times I said sorry at Tuesday's mixer. I counted. I count things when I'm nervous, it's a whole thing.

46 sorries in two hours. That's one every two and a half minutes.

Third week. I'd FINALLY got to the point where I could keep a rally going, like four whole shots sometimes, and then the draw put me on court two and the two people on the other side were… not messing about.

First serve went past me before I'd moved. Next one hit the back fence. By the fourth game I was quietly praying the ball would go anywhere except at me and then obviously a volley came at me from about three feet away and I made a noise I didn't know I could make.

Sorry. Sorry! Sorry, sorry. Oh god sorry.

And here's the thing that got me. THEY were saying sorry too. "Sorry!" every time they hit a winner. "Sorry, I'll ease off." Then they'd ease off and serve really gently and it'd clip my partner's frame and go into the dark and everyone would say sorry about THAT. Half the conversation on that court was four people apologising to each other for something none of us had done.

Nobody did anything wrong! That's my whole point. The man who hit that volley wasn't being horrible, that's just how he plays. I wasn't being rubbish on purpose. It was just a really bad match-up and we all paid for it in sorries.

I nearly didn't go back. Genuinely. I'd been going to tell my friend padel wasn't for me.

Graham (he writes on here, he's very good at explaining things over a pint) says most people at a club are somewhere in the middle and the people at the edges, beginners like me and the really good ones, have the worst time if nobody thinks about who plays who. Which makes sense. The good players don't want my 46 sorries either. They want a proper game.

Our club just turned on levels in the app they use for sessions (it's called Rallio). You can put in a rating if you've got one, which I don't, or the club puts you in one of its groups, which are called things like "Improvers" and "Thursday Group 2" which made me laugh. And then when Bev does the draw she can actually see who's who and not stick me on court two of doom. It moves as you play too, and apparently socials only count half so one terrible Tuesday doesn't wreck you. Good. Because Tuesday was terrible.

Anyway. Nobody should have to say sorry 46 times at something called a SOCIAL.

Next Tuesday's goal is under thirty. Will report back.

P.S. My partner from court two messaged after to say "we all started there, you'll be fine". I was not fine. But it was very kind and I've saved the message.